Parents Make A Difference

I once completed a questionnaire about myself that proved to be revealing. The final question asked me to describe myself using one word. I instantly wrote the word, “gorgeous”. There was no hesitation or uncertainty; my response was immediate. Later on I thought about it and wondered if others would think me vain. Shouldn’t I have written the word, “humble”, or “Christian”, or “intelligent”, or “Black”? Those words seemed more socially acceptable and less threatening to others.

Then, surprisingly, my mind wandered on to memories of my father. I suddenly threw my head back in a wide-eyed, exuberant peal of laughter that bubbled up from the depths of my very being. A little girl with two plaits and a pretty dress, arms outstretched and face upturned to the sun scampered across the pages of my memory. I felt my Daddy’s strong arms lifting me on to his shoulders and I knew where I’d gotten the idea that I am gorgeous. I savored for a long moment the memory of being totally loved by my father. Then I felt my mother’s caring hands combing my hair and telling me how beautiful I was and recounting how she treasured my birth; and how she had personally committed me to God for protection and service. So the world can argue all they want; but my Daddy said I was gorgeous and my mother affirmed it, and that’s good enough for me. Those other words I thought of are applicable and okay but “gorgeous” is okay too because Daddy said so.

I wish that every parent would give their child this precious gift of total love and acceptance. A child first learns about himself through his experience with his caregivers. As a child develops a sense of self the child internalizes the verbal and non-verbal messages that parents communicate. Those messages endure the passage of years and influence the individual’s success or failure in maneuvering the complexities of emotional survival.

As Christian parents we represent God to our children. Through their relationship with us they learn respect for authority; they learn to give and receive love; they learn values and develop a sense of who they are. How well are we equipping our children to survive the insults, abuse and palpable hatred that is sometimes part of the human experience? Why are six and seven year-olds being admitted into mental health institutions for suicidal ideation and deviant behaviors? Why are young girls allowing themselves to be disrespected? Why do women and men remain in abusive relationships? Somebody needs to let the children know that they are gorgeous. . . . and priceless . . . and loved.